The 'M' probably Means "Mediocrity"

I will preface this entire review with the fact that I giant fan of the Metroid series. I've played them all and, for the most part, enjoyed everything in the series (exceptions being Metroid II, since I hated playing anything on the original Game Boy, and haven't since returned to beat it, and Hunters, which I found pretty lame). Other than that, Metroid is easily one of my top three all time favorite series of games.

Metroid: Other M... has issues. A lot of them, in fact. When I heard Team Ninja (makers of the newer Ninja Gaiden series) I thought they might actually do the Metroid series justice. I hated every second of the Ninja Gaiden games for Xbox, and 360, but only because I don't like that style of game. They were, however, very well made games for what they were, so I know that most likely whatever Team Ninja did with Metroid would work well, and with Nintendo's watchful eye and guidance, we'd get a pretty dang awesome game.

What we got was a JRPG featuring Samus and a bunch of token Japanese storyline. Throughout the last 24 years or so Samus has been probably the strongest female character I've ever 'met' in any media. She's a silent, strong warrior. Or, a bad ass. She's got a mysterious past and never 'spoke'. It's not that she's mute or that she's a non-talking bad-ass, it's just that they never had anything for her to say, but now she does talk and, well, I don't like it. At all. She just chatters on, and on, and on, and on... If it's not her poorly acted audible voice it's her poorly acted inner monologue that we hear in Other M. Almost everything you hear out of her mouth is overly dramatized and it gets old quick.

It's not that the cut scenes are all that bad, it's just that they're not all that good and the information they provide pushes you away from Samus as a character more than it draws you into who she is. Perhaps I need to replay Zero Mission and Fusion, but as far as I remember Samus Aran has not been a childish, self-doubting, emotional, sissy. The game play suggests that you're playing a bad ass and every cut scene seems to completely rip away your illusions that Samus is or ever has been a heroine.

You'll spend about half of the game cleaning up your living room, going to the bathroom, looking up recipes on the internet, making coffee, going to the bathroom again, doing the dishes, walking the dog, cleaning out the cat box and bird cages..., and the other half glad you're not trying to find something to do during the cut scenes. It's the only way to keep your illusions that Samus is a grown up without abandonment issues.

It's not that I'm against Samus talking or having a back story, what I'm against is how boring and vanilla it becomes when you play the game. There are a few points where you'll see flashbacks at the MOST INAPPROPRIATE TIMES. When engaging in a fight it's not cool for the heroine to be petrified by an enemy whose ass she as kicked a few times already, and will go on to kick in the future. For those of you who have played more than a handful of Metroid games, this is not a spoiler, you expect Ridley to show up and make some noise. And he(her/it?) dang well better show up!

Now that I've prepared you for the story that never should have been, here's the important information. Game play.

One of the bigger hurtles in every Metroid sequel is trying to figure out how best to depower Samus at the beginning of the game in order to give her something to find. It's a play mechanic that basically 'cheats' and gives the game the advantage. Without it, Metroid wouldn't be fun. Metroid is about starting off a bit weak and through lots of work and fun, becoming a nigh invincible warrior. So any play mechanic that depowers Samus is usually okay with me, even if it's a bit far-reaching. Other M, however, takes it a bit too far. You're stuck on a ship with a bunch of 'normal' humans and decide to submit to the orders of the man in charge, one of which is to severely depower yourself so that you don't hurt anyone. The only problem I have with this is, when they're not near, Samus should be able to do whatever the hell she wants. Further fixable by just not letting the player fire if aimed at a friendly. So, the mechanic is way too thin, and even makes it harder to get into the game. "You mean I'm not allowed to double-jump until that guy thinks it's okay? WTF?! I can SEE the missile RIGHT THERE!!"

You start off with your charge beam. That's it. Throughout the game the commander dude will reluctantly allow you the use of other weaponry from time to time, however being granted these powers is often frustratingly complex. Often times you have to explore endless boxes of space, run into the same brick wall 100's of times, and retrace your steps for what feels like the millionth time before you trigger some event where Commander Asshat finally calls you up and says, "You know what? I think you might need the wave beam right now." This guy must have trained in American Middle Management because he only doles out the goods when you finally realize your macabre reliance upon his judgment and graces. In short, he's that D-bag you work for who you probably wouldn't waste yelling "watch out" to if you saw him walking in front of a truck, and even if you did his head is stuck so far up his ass that his pride would prevent him from accepting your help*.

The whole game takes place inside of the "Bottle Ship"... designed by the worst engineers ever to be grace the universe. Plenty of cut scenes depict its exterior, however if the map is any indication of its true structure and/or shape, you're playing Metroid in the biggest mess of a Lego structure you designed as a four year old child with a severe vision impairment and no sense of structural integrity. This ship contains the standard Metroid areas, the cold, the lava, the jungle, and the standard inside of a building areas, so you'll feel right at home, but each area is really just a big box of . It's probably the most bland of all the 3D Metroids (save Hunters).

Team Ninja tried to give you a sense that you're not in a spaceship by designing a lot of rooms that are complete holographic projections, often with broken or missing pieces and terminals that shut off the systems. Despite their efforts, you never ditch the claustrophobic feeling of being confined within the six walls of a ship. The game feels small. Very small. Your movements are directed (and limited) by Commander Asshat, so you never feel like you're exploring, just going where you're told, killing what you see, and gritting your teeth in preparation for the next cut scene.

As the game progresses, and as you get more powers, eventually it starts to feel like Metroid. Every once in a while you'll retrace your steps and see something you may not have been looking for before and think, "Hey, I can go in there now!". However, if you pass something and try to remember the spot for later, don't bother. If you aren't told to go somewhere, and that location isn't on the way, forget about it. All the doors are locked and you're on rails until you get somewhere. It's very frustrating. Often you'll be forced into FPS mode in order to scan the area for things and have almost no clue why or what you're looking for. It happens a lot in the beginning and doesn't ever go away. The real problem is that most of the things you're required to scan are a single pixel on the screen so you can search for a good five minutes before you find whatever cue the story demands.

As directed as the game is, when you get into combat, it really is a lot of fun. Team Ninja did a pretty good job of making combat fun, and I applaud them for that. Anything that can't be gotten rid of in a couple shots can potentially be lethal without a few upgrades. Even then, they've always got something slightly more powerful up their sleeves. It's also pretty enjoyable when the close quarters combat kicks in. Samus has some pretty interesting moves. They're supposed to be easy to pull off, but I find them to be rather random.

Another hangup will be the 3rd person, fixed camera mode transition to FPS. Getting the controls down for this is very tricky and poorly implemented (hold the remote sideways for normal mode, point at screen for FPS). Basically you're running around and something needs a missile to the face/colon in order to kill so you have to stop DEAD in your tracks, aim and fire. You're given a small grace period of about 2 seconds where time slows down so you've got time to aim, but after that you're most likely mince meat. If you're good with Wiimote aiming you'll do fine. If you're not good, it's time to find more energy tanks!

I find this control idea to be mostly problematic not because shifting the controller is a pain, but because you can't shoot a missile or super missile without going into the 1st Person mode and finding something 'missile worthy' at which to aim, and even then you have to lock on in order to spit out the firepower. Also, the fire button shifts once you're pointing at the screen from '1' to 'A', however you can get away with holding the charge while in 3rd person mode and firing with '1' anyway, so this isn't as much of a problem.

Half of the Metroid formula is exploration. One of the best parts of the Prime series is how well they balanced exploration with firefights and story. I spent the entirety of each of them on the edge of my seat, filled with tension over what I was doing. With Other M, as I stated before I was obligated to run around and do things and wasn't allowed to experience the world... well the ship.

Metroid: Other M was on the whole a relatively well oiled game with a couple control hiccups and a bad story. My main problem is the story. It's so jarring and bland that it detracts from game play even when you mentally separate Other M from the rest of the series. I'm not upset that I bought it at full price... no, I sort of am upset about that. This game would probably be a flop without Samus or some other franchise to help it be recognized. The combat is fun, but on the whole it's about as vanilla as the usual shovelware.


ACTUAL, POSSIBLE SPOILER
*It really is a shame that you don't get to kill him.

Outrage!

Normally I would use this blog to do amateur reviews of the games I play so I can send them to some friends who may get a chance to play them right away or want to know how good they are before taking a full-price plunge.

But, 'tis MY blog so I'm extending it to tech as well. In reality, it always was and will be tech-related.

Today I'm speaking about the iPod Nano. I've always been a big fan of the Nano. Great product. I remember when the first gen Nanos were announced and I was pretty much all-in right there. However, I'm pretty rough on my stuff so I wanted to be sure it was a wise purchase. That's when I read a review by either Tom's Hardware or Andantech.com where they put it through the paces and it survived being dropped out of a car, run over by a car, all that. So I bought it.

The Nano, for me, has been synonymous with a tank of a product. Pretty close to indestructible, the Nano line has been awesome to me. I've never had a failure, but probably should have time and time again. At one point I decided to buy the first gen iPod Touch to replace my Nano but missed it's small size and versatility... and buttons. I now have a 4th gen Nano (just before the camera model came out) and couldn't be happier with it.

I've been looking forward to the next line of Nano's and was floored by what happened to them. Perhaps I should make a list of things I love about my Nano.
Durable
Simple buttons (to press when you're not looking, tactile feedback)
Fits in my hand
Music
Video
Battery life
The first two being the main reasons why I own the Nano and not a different player, the rest being perks.

Okay, now here's what Apple is calling the 6th gen Nano...
WTF?!
Okay, what I see is an iPod Touch -mini/nano...thing?

So now the 'Nano' is a tiny screen. That's what you'll notice first. Many people may love that, but it says to me that it's no longer durable. iPhones and Touches are notorious for their fragility. Drop it on its side and it'll shatter.
There goes Durable... We're down to five.

The second thing I notice is there are no buttons. Which is outright idiotic for a device like this.
1. A lack of buttons removes any tactile feedback. I now have to view the device to interact with it. This is no longer a workout device. I'm not strapping a screen to my arm or chest during a long ride. When I had the touch, I could never just skip songs, I had to stop what I was doing.
2. With it's small size any time you interact with it, you won't likely see what you're doing. iPhone and Touch barely get away with this now. Perhaps it will work out for the better, but I'm not sure.
3. It's just barely large enough to hold. Clip or no clip, it looks like it's just awkward to use.
Now we've lost Buttons... We're down to four. And at this point, I probably wouldn't consider this purchase at all. Being a long time Nano lover, I am now pretty well alienated, so I don't really need to go into the other things I don't like about this... but I will in case you're not interested in those two points.

After poking around a bit I found that Apple has decided that Nano users aren't interested in small screen video. So they removed that. Along with the camera. Admittedly, I never saw the point of the camera before, since everything ELSE has cameras, but I actually DO use my iPod to watch video from time to time. It goes everywhere with me and it's a great way to whittle away the time. Now Apple is selling a small screen with pretty compact resolution (220ppi) and they have taken off the video. That's be all it had going for it!

Aside from those gripes I'm glad to see that Apple includes a radio with recording (like those fancy DVR's), a clip on the back, and the dock connector (unlike the Shuffle, which charges and transfers files over the stereo jack).

Apple has lost me on this one. I'm not interested whatsoever in a shuffle (since I do like to pick out my music) so they could sell them for $5 and I wouldn't bite. There are doubtlessly others in my camp here, but not likely enough to reboot the old monolith shaped Nano I knew and loved. I hope this 4th gen continues to serve me well because I don't want to have to experiment with any of the other guys any time soon...

I got the Red Dead Runaround

Red Dead Redemption (RDR) is an entertaining game, I'll give you that. Even when you realize it's just GTA IV in a giant, dusty park. It isn't even worth talking about what you can do in RDR since if you've played any of the GTA series, you know exactly how the game works. I'll try to stick to the ways RDR isn't GTA.

Here's a brief overview of how the game is driven... You have story related mission sources, side missions, and random encounters. The mission sources eventually present new sources and then exhaust themselves, and eventually unlock other areas of the map (just like EVERY GTA game ever). The side missions are by no means necessary, but can be entertaining. The only thing that is new is the random encounters. About every three or four seconds you'll see a blue dot on the mini map that will either be some crying for help or trying to pull you off your horse, only to be shot in the back as they utterly fail at making fun of you for being a "green horn". The cries for help vary, however, between retrieving/saving a cart/horse/wife/criminal and killing people.

Come to think of it... No matter what you do, you will always have to choose between killing people or tying them up with an infinite supply of rope. Which makes me assume the Jon Marsden is half spider. He pulls rope out of his ass all day long. You'll happen upon a LOT of law men with broken legs shouting not unlike Yosemite Sam (minus the guns firing) who have just had their prisoners escape. You can either a) kill them, or b) lasso, hogtie, and return them to the cop who will put a bullet in them anyway. Really the only reason you'll ever lasso someone or something is because people pay better to get criminals "alive" rather than dead. Oh, and dead people drop ammo and cash, so it's often more time efficient and cash efficient to drop them and take what they had.

RDR features the same tried and true good/bad system that you find in every RPG these days. You gain honor and you're a good guy, you lose it and you're a bad guy. I'm sure you can figure out exactly HOW to gain or lose it. Remember though, Jon Marsden is an outlaw, so it doesn't matter how you do things as long as the job gets done (unless you fail the mission, then don't be bad that time!). All decisions are basic moral choices and you'll rarely, if ever, feel 'tricked' into making a wrong decision. If they don't give you missions, they're expendable.

There is also a "Fame" meter which only goes up. You can do all sorts of things to modify the fame meter like shooting a guys hat off his head just prior to disarming him and emptying his brain cage during a duel. Or helping some lady get her cart back from those nasty thieves.

There is also a small list of in-game 'achievements' that if you fulfill to some degree, grant you certain abilities that make the game a bit easier. These relate to hunting, sharpshooting, gathering, and maybe some others that I haven't noticed or cared to do. Make no mistakes, these are all quests from World of Warcraft.

Once you've surrendered to the fact that all the missions are the same as GTA you can easily push away the very cloned plot mechanic by looking at the amazing art. RDR is gorgeous no matter what you do. This means a lot coming from me, too. I've always detested "Ole West" movies and themes (with the exception of "Tombstone"). They're dirty, arid, sweaty, dusty movies. I hate LOOKING at these movies because they just grate on me. If they have a plot, it's never enough to draw me in and get past the dust.

RDR is beautiful. Even the dust. The shanty towns that are scattered around "New Austin" and parts of Mexico are ugly makeshift dwellings and I think they're wonderful. I don't know how Rockstar did it but I actually enjoy being in this environment.

I was half surprised and half in awe the first time a cougar ate my horse and killed me. Just like in real life if you're very sharp-eyed you can see them stalking you. Unlike in real life, the cougars are quite menacing. The animals in RDR are great. They all seem to do their thing until you impose upon their space. Deer and other prey animals prance away, horse gangs run free, wolves attack in packs. It's great.

RDR's gameplay was described to me by a friend as "at first it seems horrible, but then you get used to it and it feels like there isn't any other way to do it." I tend to agree. I'm sure I'd like to tweak things a bit, but for the most part the game controls are very solid. They start of incredibly confusing, and there is no tutorial (I have very mixed feelings about tutorials. Games that shift the control paradigm need them, games that are stander FPS or ThirdPSs do not need tutorials). So if you don't notice something (like how to use Dead Eye mode) and just shoot the dumb rabbits with the incredibly easy to use NORMAL aim mode, then you haven't a clue that there even IS a Dead Eye mode. Until you can't pass missions involving VERY precise shooting that you couldn't hope to do without the time-slowing Dead Eye mode. If you're one of those people, click down the right stick when aiming your gun. There, that's it.

Oh, wait, no. That ISN'T it. Apparently there are three 'modes' or 'levels'. I've been trying to locate information regarding the levels online or otherwise and, well, failing. I haven't a clue. I know what they ARE, I just can't use them as I see fit. One of them just plops x's all over your target and then fires when there are a lot of x's. Another is used for duels. The third seems to be like the first, except now you pick your target points. Here is my major gripe. In DUELS you pull the RTrigger to select spots and wait for the time to be 'up' to have Jon auto-fire all the selected locations. However in the 'third' mode, you use the RBumper to select and the trigger to finalize and he shoots like mad. I prefer the second method since the aiming is a bit more precise and pulling on the RTrigger in duel mode doesn't seem to work well... or at all. Perhaps I just suck at dueling. I'm okay with that.

Travel in RDR has been made easy with fast traveling. Just like a taxi in Liberty City you can travel from town to town and get the choice of experiencing the journey or skipping it. You can also fast travel from a campsite to anywhere you've been before which saves a LOT of tapping A constantly on a horse or cart. You can also get on a train if it happens to be heading in a useful direction (HINT: It's NOT).

Horses are very cool. Each horse has a subtle AI that makes them seem alive. Every horse has a personality. You can buy them or break them and 'hitch' one to save it. That's it. You have a one space garage. But it's okay because there are only three levels of horses distinguished primarily by their speed. You find a faster horse, you keep it. You don't have any use for slower horses, so you can leave them or shoot them (and lose some of your precious honor...).

There you have it. Horse around, hogtie and/or kill people. That is RDR. Oh, and there is some gambling. RDR does it's part in catering to America's odd fascination with Texas Hold'em. Throws in some blackjack, arm wrestling, horseshoes, liar's dice and "five finger fillet" (the game where you put your hand on a table and repeatedly attempt to not amputate your own fingers) and you have everything there is to do in a gigantic and beautiful rendition of the Old West.

...I've read over the previous a few times and can't seem to think of anything I'm missing, and I don't think I can come up with anything else to say about RDR. It's a very solid GTA: Old West. I have yet to do anything with multiplayer and I haven't finished the game. If I get into the multiplayer (which may never happen, as I continue to detest online play) or finish the game, I may post an addendum or continuation of this review.

I will say that I've 'learned' a lot from RDR. First off is that the Old West was filled with cannibals. Apparently they were quite common. The second is that there is NO REASON the West was ever 'civilized' what with the CONSTANT gunfire, prostitutes being murdered, farmsteads being raised to the ground, and outlaw gangs taking over forts!

I'm quite glad I borrowed RDR from a buddy (and very thankful, too). It's not a game I would have been happy with at full price. I will admit that I would be more than happy to do some multiplayer (in the same house) to experience some of those parts of the game.